


Now I’m standing on the overpass screaming at the cars

by Shermantheworman



Series: Brooklyn Nine Nine more like,, Autism Nine Nine,,, [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine Nine
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Amy Santiago, Autistic Charles Boyle, Autistic Jake Peralta, Autistic Rosa Diaz, Gen, Meltdown, Neurodiversity, internalized ableism, this killed me but it gets happy okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 04:12:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12856494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shermantheworman/pseuds/Shermantheworman
Summary: Jake has a meltdown on the job





	Now I’m standing on the overpass screaming at the cars

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: This story includes meltdowns, self injury, ableist language, self hating language, etc. Read at your own discretion 
> 
> The title comes from the song “I wanna get better” by Bleachers which really fits the mood and also reminds me of Jake a lot for some reason??

Mike Doughty, Angelina Rodriguez, and Solomon Smith had a big day ahead of them. They were headed to the mall where the three of them were all applying for a job. 

 

“Solomon Smith?” Jake said. “What is this? An old British children’s book?”

“I panicked” Charles muttered. 

“We don’t have time for this, just go with it” Rosa said.

“Roger that, Angie” Jake said, parking the car, though it was difficult because the parking lot was filled almost entirely up. Everyone knew it was going to be crowded, but didn’t say anything about the dread they felt about that.

“Angelina hates nicknames” Rosa said. 

“Roger that, Angelina.”

-

Jake finally found an available parking spot and the three exited the car and walked inside. 

As they walked in, Jake went over the plan (rather loudly) even though everyone already knew it. The structure of the plan and just talking comforted him in this overwhelming environment; He never liked malls, there’s too much to focus on and take in, and eventually it just builds up and that never ends well. But he figured he’d be fine if he drowned everything out- That was the only option, anyways; He had a job to do.

“So we’re looking for Jared Lloyd, manager at The Pajama Import, who is our lead suspect in running a secret cocaine dealing operation. They have several available job openings, so about seven, which we will all apply for so that it’s more likely one of us gets it. I’m suspecting his employees have part in this operation, so if one of us gets the job, we’ll be right where we need to be. Hopefully this works, because I don’t have any other plans.”

“Dude, you have to quiet down, you’re gonna blow our cover” Rosa scolded.

“Oh right” Jake said. “Sorrysorrysorry.”

“Also several means more than two but not by much” Rosa said.

“Wait, really?!” Jake asked, and stopped for a moment, then repeated himself. “Really?!”

“Yes” Rosa said. 

Jake didn’t have time to be traumatized by finding out he was wrong for years, because they’d arrived at their destination. 

“The Pajama Import- This is it” he announced, stopping. “Wow...there is a lot of people in there...a lot of people. It’s gotta be because of the cocaine”

“Nah, people are just busting down the door to get some pajamas“ Rosa snarked.

“I love pajamas“ Charles said.

“Yeah. We totally got our guy” Rosa said.

“Doesn’t this get suspicious?” Jake asked.

“They’re making money, right?” Rosa responded. That’s all malls care about. ...I hate them.” 

“Yeah... Anyways, we should all go in one by one, so we don’t look suspicious” Jake suggested; Rosa and Charles agreed. Jake went in first and walked up to the counter.

“Hello, I’m here for the job opening” Jake said, looking around at everything going on in this store. 

“I am also here for the job opening, and I didn’t come here with this guy, we both just so happen to be applying to the same job at the same time” Charles followed.

Rosa followed Charles. “What they said” 

“Interviews are being held in the back, right this way” said a short, plump lady with curly blonde hair. Her name tag read “Mary” 

“I think we nailed that” Jake whispered. 

Mary escorted them to the back where a group of people were already waiting. 

“I’m gonna nail this interview” Jake declared. “I’m an expert at job interviews.” 

“If only one of us gets this job, I want it to be you, buddy” Charles said. 

“Thanks Charles, but this is just a cover...” Jake said, quiet as he could.

“I know, but I stand by what I said” Charles replied. 

“Thanks...” Rosa said. 

-

What seemed like forever went by, but it was only about 20 minutes; The waiting crowd- which wasn’t too large but large enough to be a crowd- barely changed in size; Only 2 people out of somewhere between 15-20 had been interviewed so far. Jake fidgeted around in his seat, then someone would look at him funny and he’d stop- Repeat. 

All three were growing impatient and antsy, but Jake the most. 

“Hey, since I doubt much is gonna change in the time it takes us to get lunch, wanna get some?” Rosa said.

“The idea of leaving the store is giving me severe anxiety but I am hungry so, yeah, sure” Jake replied. 

-

Jake picked and poked at his food, but didn’t eat it. 

“You said you were hungry” Rosa said, snapping Jake out of his focus on the people surrounding him, the smells, the music playing in the mall, the lights, the case, the fact they could go back to the store and it could be filled with people; Anything but eating. It felt physically impossible in this environment to do anything but shutdown or freak out.

“Oh, I...uh” Jake mumbled. “I thought I was but I...”

“Charles and I have eaten enough, wanna head back to The Pajama Import?” Rosa asked.

Jake nodded, and so they headed back. 

Unfortunately, Jake’s fear that they’d arrive back at the store to a bigger crowd was correct. The crowd only got slightly bigger, but it was enough to cause him to panic.

“I knew it! I knew we shouldn’t have left!” he declared, almost shouting.

“Crap, I really thought nothing would change” Rosa said. 

“Yeah...you thought..” Jake said under breath. 

“I’m sorry” Rosa said. Jake felt bad for getting mad at her. 

Sensing the tension and overwhelm, in the others and himself, Charles but in.

“Maybe we should leave and think of another plan.”

“Yeah, Charles is right” Rosa followed.

“This plan is surefire, there’s no better way to catch Lloyd” Jake said, carefully. 

“You just seem to be getting overwhelmed by all of this” Charles began.

“I’m fine” Jake cut him off.

“Even I’m getting overwhelmed, Peralta” Rosa said. “There’s so much more I’d rather be doing than being here-“

“Then leave!” Jake shouted. “If you wanna leave so badly than leave; Both of you! I’M NOT THE ONE TRYING TO RUIN THE CASE!”

“Say that a little louder and you just might” Rosa said through her teeth. She instantly felt bad for saying that, however. 

“This is what happens when friends go for the same position” Charles could hear someone say to someone else.

“We’re not friends! We’re not here together!” Charles declared. Rosa shot him a look. 

Rosa went to turn to apologize to Jake for what she’d said before, but when she turned around he was standing frozen like a statue, fists clenched; He looked angry but there were tears filling his eyes and spilling out of them. The only sound he could make was hyperventilation. 

Rosa grabbed him by the arm and quickly started to walk him out. Charles got up to follow.

“Charles” Rosa said. “Stay here.” 

“But-“

“Someone should stay here” she interrupted. 

“Okay...” Charles said. He sunk back into his seat. 

 

“Thank you for visiting The Pajama Impor- -“ Mary started to say.

“Shut up” Rosa cut her off, rushing Jake out. 

“That’s why you didn’t get the job” Mary said under her breath. 

-

Jake and Rosa rushed through the mall, Rosa lugging him around because he suddenly felt like his shoes were full of cement and though he had fine eyesight, everything was blurry. They were quite a sight, but neither of them were in the position to care. 

Finally, after what felt like ages for Jake because he wanted to get the hell out of there, and Rosa because she had to walk for two and she was forcing herself not to go into shutdown mode, they made it out alive and Rosa walked the two of them to the car. Jake poured out. 

“I thought I could do it and I couldn’t” he cried, punching his knee. “I’m an idiot...I’m so stupid.”

“That’s not- I-“ Rosa didn’t know how to respond. She knew anything she could possibly say wouldn’t matter, he wasn’t in control and he needed to get it out. 

“All I do is mess things up” Jake sobbed, striking himself on the head. Rosa cringed.

“Everyone would be so much better off without me here to mess everything up all the time.”

“That’s not true, Peralta, and you know it.” Rosa couldn’t help herself. 

“I’m a cop, I’m trained to handle so much more than a crowded pajama store. But I couldn’t handle it. If I’d- If I’d just been born normal...none of this would’ve happened. BUT IT HAPPENED.”

Things got silent except for the sound of crying, now coming from both of them. 

“I feel that way too sometimes” Rosa admitted. “But if you’d been born normal, yeah, maybe some crappy things would go away, but all the good things would too. You and I, if we weren’t born the way we are, we wouldn’t be two kick ass cops, great detectives....And we wouldn’t be friends.”

“These thoughts pass” she continued. “And this is coming from me, so you better take something away from it...you nerd.”

Jake nodded, then curled into fetal position and quietly sobbed until a knock on the window nearly made him jump out of his skin. He could hear Rosa unlock the doors.

“Guess who saved the day” Charles announced; Sitting next to him were Jared Lloyd and his employee Mary, handcuffed.

“Boyle! You did it!” Rosa exclaimed.

“I was waiting to be called back when I observed Mary and a customer. She grabbed something from her side of the counter, and made sure no one was looking. I got up and moved closer to the doorway so I could observe and listen in to Mary’s interactions with customers. After about 3 other interactions like the first one, it became clear to me Mary was dealing cocaine and now I knew how to ask for it. I got up and went to the counter, where I asked for “the daily special”, and she gave it to me, and now I had proof. I revealed my badge and arrested Mary, held her at gunpoint and made her take me to Lloyd.”

“Boyle, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re a genius!” Rosa said, smiling a rare smile. 

“Aw, I wouldn’t say that, I’m just doing my jo-“ Charles stopped; He noticed Jake hunched over in fetal position, hearing a sob every now and then. His heart sunk for his best friend, he knew what it felt like. He didn’t say another word. 

Jake was happy Charles caught Lloyd and Mary, but he wasn’t ready to be happy yet. Charles realized this, and stayed as quiet as he knew how to be. And they drove away in silence. 

-

A few minutes later, the silence was broken. 

“In the beginning of my career, I had a meltdown on the job” Charles began. “There were a lot of demands, many people talking, too much going on. I freaked out and I ran and hid in a corner, and I just broke down in tears and rocked back and forth. No one understood what was going on, and that made it so much harder. I was so embarassed. I still think about it, actually. Now I know that it wasn’t my fault, that it was just how my body responded to stimuli it couldn’t handle. When a person is wounded they bleed, and it’s unpleasant, and no one likes to watch someone bleed, nor will they understand unless if they’re bleeding too, but it’s how the body reacts to that wound. This is how an autistic person handles an overload, by bleeding...emotionally.”

Things went silent again.

“Damn Charles, that was...really beautiful” Rosa said, choking up, and for some reason not feeling as ashamed about that as usual. 

Mary and Lloyd tried to speak up, but Rosa told them to shut up. 

“Thank you” Charles said. “I thought of that when Nikolaj got injured at the park a few weeks ago. He was crying a lot.”

“....Less beautiful, but...Thanks for that Charles” Rosa replied. 

-

“I...It’s happened to me twice” Rosa said. “I thought my career was over both of those times. I felt like a baby, I felt pathetic, and I felt...broken. But my career wasn’t over, and I’m still a badass woman, and I’m not broken. I mean, I still repress every feeling I can possibly feel, but... I’m getting better, sorta... Anyways, enough about me- The point is, you’re not alone, Peralta.”

Jake could hear them, he just wasn’t ready to respond yet. He was tired. Very, very tired. A kind of tired years of sleep couldn’t cure. But now he could breathe, he could breathe without choking because he’d been crying so much. He could breathe and it didn’t feel like a ton of bricks were laying on his lungs. 

“This is your stop” Rosa said. “Do you need help getting in?”

Jake got up from the hunched, fetal position he’d been in for the whole car ride. He nodded in response to Rosa’s question. 

Rosa and Charles helped him get up and settled into his apartment, and didn’t leave until they truly knew he’d be okay alone. 

Jake was not one for naps, or really, sleeping of any kind, but he was so tired he just collapsed. He woke up to Amy beside him. 

“Good morning” she smiled. “Well, it’s like 7:30 pm, but... I heard about what happened. I left work an hour early to take care of you.”

“You didn’t have to do that” Jake said, groggily, planting a kiss on her lips. 

“Yes I did” she replied. “Luckily, you have the worlds greatest girlfriend/fiancée/wife* who has a binder prepared for situations like these.”

“You’re the greatest” Jake said. “Wait- Should I...have a binder for your meltdowns?”

“Not needed, I have a binder for myself” Amy responded, kissing him on the head.

“Now please drink something, I have gathered every possible beverage you will drink.” Jake grabbed a Gatorade.

“Also I thought we could watch these” Amy sprawled Jake’s collection of Diehard movies across the bed.

Jake said nothing; He looked at Amy with a huge smile and his hands began to flap.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you without anything to say about Diehard” Amy laughed.

Jake spent the rest of the night recovering. The distractions and the scripting made him happy, but once he had a moment to sit back and think about the day he got emotional, but luckily Amy knew how to comfort him. 

-

When Jake got to work the next morning, he went to find Rosa and Charles.

“I wanna thank you guys for being so kind during m-during my meltdown. ...Y-you didn’t have to do that-“

“Yes we did” Rosa cut him off. “I’d want to be treated the same way if that were me.”

“As would I” Charles added. “And you’re my best friend, you never have to worry about anything. I’m always here.”

“I just...thank you. Thank you both so much” Jake replied. “I’m so lucky.”

“You are” Rosa said. “And if I ever hear you talk trash about yourself again, even in a state like that, I will break your skull.” 

“Okay” Jake laughed. “Thank you.”

Mike Doughty, Angelina Rodriguez, and Solomon Smith sat down at their desks. All three of them lucky to have such good friends to count on.

**Author's Note:**

> *depending on when you think this takes place 
> 
> Thank you for reading! This is my second fic, I’m still getting the hang of this. The grammar is probably shit and reading back the story feels kind of rushed in some parts, maybe I’ll rewrite this one day, but overall I think it’s okay, I’m just a perfectionist lol. But I really enjoy writing these, hope you enjoy reading them :D
> 
> I am autistic and this was based on my own experiences with meltdowns. 
> 
> Anyways, you can just skip this, I’m awkward. Bye! :^}


End file.
